October

October has came and next week it will go. It has been a long month that has challenged me in different ways and kept me on my toes. I had my first mid-terms and I got a new job. I am glad to say that I will be ending the month a better student then at the beginning of the month. I don't mean necessarily that my grades are a whole lot better, but I think that I have become a better  student because I have become more organized with my school work. I have dropped my first class ever, my math class. I tried my best to stick with my math class and to pass the class, but things just weren't planning out. After getting my mid-term grades I was shocked to see that one failing grade made all my other grades seem like they weren't there. It was really hard for me to see that my GPA was so low, to low for my scholarship requirements. I really didn't want to drop my Math class, but it was just a level of Math that I could not learn at. When I was in high school I was just as horrible in math, but I managed to pass my math classes. Actually I passed all of my Math classes with really good grades, but that is because I had time to do my homework. I knew that College Algebra was going to be hard for me, but I never expected that it would hurt my confidence. It didn't matter how much I tried on my assignments and homework, I could never achieve the grades I wanted. It was a really big wake up call for me when I realized that I just couldn't handle my Math class. I always thought that I was smart and had something to offer, but since I have joined Texas Lutheran University, I have realized that I am a tiny fish surrounded by sharks. I know that I have a shark somewhere in me and it is starting to some out in me. I will do what ever it takes to succeed and have good grades, and nothing will stand in my way. I have one goal in sight, to become a teacher, and it is the one thing I want most. Some people tell me that the Education program is really hard to get into at Texas Lutheran University, but I know that I will make it.

High school to College

   In High school you see the same people everyday, but in college it is a different story. In High school I would see my friends all the time and I was always with them, but now it is rare that I see my high school friends. I always thought that I would stay in contact with all my friends from high school, but I have discovered that it is hard to find the time to do that. Everyone is going to college and working, so it's hard to find the time to hang out. Any time that I am in San Antonio, where I am from, I am mainly there to wort and I never have time to see my friends. It also doesn't help that they are working as well and they don't get off until late. People that I thought I was going to stay in contact with have gone with the wind. Sometimes I'll find the time to call one of my high school friends and it won't be a long conversation because we both have things to get done. I wish I had more time to enjoy being young and not always worrying about what I need to pay or what assignment is due next.
   Time management is completely different from high school to college. In high school I always had free time to do whatever I wanted and I never really had to worry about any deadlines. I always had time to do anything I wanted and I never felt any pressure to anything. Now that I am in college, I always have something that needs to get done. Everyday there is some new assignment that is due and I never have time to just sit down and relax. I never knew how much things  would have to get done in college and it has been a wake up call. I know that it is all worth it and it is just stuff that I need to get done. I hope that I will soon have free time to do things that I want to do. I never had so much things to do in high school and I sometimes wish that I could go back in time and enjoy more of the free time I had. I need to manage my time better because I need to incorporate some fun into my life. Even though sometimes I want to go back in time, I know that it is better to stay in the present.

from high school to college

The pressure to do good in college is overwhelming and it is at sometimes scary. Every grade we get is important and it scares me if I get anything below an 'A'. When I was in High school there was barely any pressure because it wasn't hard to do well and it isn't that hard to get into colleges. Now that I am in College, I am more stressed than I have ever been because I want to have the best grades possible.I have managed to have pretty good grades at my college, but I want to do better. Their is so much on the line and I am afraid to fail. I know that it is important to fail sometimes because in the end it will help you more than it hurt you, but I just hate the feeling of knowing I failed at something. It was so easy in high school. I never really knew how much of a difference their is between high school and college, but now I do. My "AP" classes in high school were no where near as invigorating as they are in college. In high school it was just a little more work in the advance placement classes than in the regular classes. I love being in college because there are so many things to get involved with and organizations and you can meet all kinds of people, but it's still hard. I not only have to worry about my grades, but go to work, and make sure I have groceries, and essentials needed on a daily basis. Since I have come to college I have gained more appreciation for my parents and everything they have and continue to do for me. Whenever I am in town to work, my mom will make lots of food and have it packed and ready to go for me. They help me out if I don't have enough money, and they just reassure me that I am where I need to be and that I need to stay focused on my goals. Some day I will look back at my college days, and I will be proud of what I accomplished. I still have time management issues, but slowly I am getting better at setting a schedule and getting things done when they need to be done. It is different and exciting to be on my own, but it is for shure not as fun or easy as I thought it would be.

   The Krost was different than I though it was going to be and it was something I never experienced in high school. I enjoyed all of the presentations, but the presentation by Naomi Shihab Nye because I thought it was really interesting. Not only was what she was saying interesting, but she herself was interesting and her back ground was as well. I loved how her parents thought that it was important to understand the arts and she definitely loved the arts herself. I also though her little story about her grandfather and how he lived a lonely life because of the way he thought, was a sad but interesting story. She said at one point in her presentation, "Even a turtle knows where he wants to go", I really liked this saying because it made me realize that we all have a direction we're heading and it's up to us which way we go. I know that I to understand where I am heading and how I am going  to get there. I hope that I will gain an understanding of where I am heading and if that's the direction in which I want to go in.
     Naomi said " Playing relaxes the spirit". I know this is true because every time you just relax and enjoy your time, you usually feel better and more relaxed. I think the cure for feeling overwhelmed is to play hide and seek or tag with kids, and you will instantly feel better. I learned from Naomi that night that if I am having trouble writing, then I probably need to lower my standards. I thought that was the best thing in the world, because I critical in the way I write and I always thing to much about my writing and I usually do better when things flow easier and better. The lesson I got out of Naomi's presentation was to give up words that don't help me. busy, tired, bored, are just some of the few words that I can live without and probably should live without them. All three are all based on me just having excuses because I just don't want to do anything. I hope that I will learn how to live without those words, because I want to know that I can and that I don't need excuses because they only hurt me and don't help at all. I am glad that I attended the presentations for the Krost because it was a great experience to learn some life lessons.

failure

   Since I have started college, I have had more failures than I've ever had before. I always thought that I had not time to make mistakes or to fail at something, but now I am learning that it is okay, I guess. I should start with math and how much of a failure I am when it comes to that subject. I am currently failing my math class and I never understand anything my teacher ever explains, and the homework makes me cry, literally. I am also not doing the best in my history class, because I never speak up and I never share my opinion, I mean I want to but I feel as if my opinions are wrong, which is not the way I should be thinking about it.
   Mistakes have played a huge role in my life because I have made a lot of them. There have been a couple of times where I made a mistake and I though it was the end of the world, but in reality it helped me grow. One time at my work, I made a mistake in how I was making the chips, my boss corrected me, and I learned how to make the chips right. I know that this doesn't sound very important but it helped me learn that if I didn't know how to do something, then I need to ask someone how to do it right way.
   How can I make peace with my imperfections? This is a very hard question for me because I just don't like thinking about my imperfections, because I know I have a lot of them. I hope that I will soon learn how to deal with my imperfections and learn from them because I don't want them to hold me back.
   I need to understand that there are going to be things that I am just not good at and I will have to be okay with that. I hope that I will learn how to deal with failure, so that I can reach my goals and so I can be able to help others understand that failure is okay. I don't want anything to get in the way from reaching my goals. I know that it will be a difficult journey for me to understand that failure is okay, but I think I can do it. I have a list of goals and one of them is to learn how fail, and fail gracefully.